Infidelity: What do you do next?

When trust is broken in a marriage it is extremely hard for both people involved, not only the person that was betrayed. When infidelity is exposed in a marriage the stability and future after the exposure can be very confusing. Many times in a situation where someone in the marriage is cheating it’s the secrecy that is worse than the actual infidelity - the broken trust. When couples are faced with infidelity, there are some ways that could possibly help find the answer to why the affair happened in the first place. If you want to save your marriage and you think the infidelity is straining your relationship, the cheater must work on fixing his/her mistakes with their partner. Here are some tips to help you work through infidelity in your marriage after it has been exposed.

• Be Open and Honest: If you were the one cheating, be open and honest about all aspects of the affair. Sometimes opening up and revealing why the affair happened is the best way to figure out some voids that needed to be filled in the marriage. Identifying the voids in the marriage and what needs to happen to fill those voids could help heal the wounds in the marriage. It is about coming to an understanding – without excusing the infidelity.
• Restoring Trust While Having Compassion: Making a list of trust- enhancing behaviors that will help a couple heal is a great idea! This is a good building block and a first step to rebuilding trusting your partner again. Compassion needs to be explained between both partners. Maybe the cheating occurred for a particular reason and something was lacking in the relationship. By having compassion the recovery process can begin.
•  Set Boundaries That Make Both Partners Happy: Make date nights and more time for each other. Set aside a weekend for hiking, tennis or other activities you both enjoy doing together. Communicate and voice what makes each of you uncomfortable and what makes each of you happy. Discuss how you would like the relationship to develop in the future. Being more vocal about where the couple spends their time separately is a trust-building method if it’s not too demanding of your partner’s space.

If you are struggling with marriage or relationship issues that may concern infidelity, feel free to contact our Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists for an evaluation of your relationships. Our marriage counselors and psychologists have successfully helped many couples and families.

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