Tag Archives: communcation and marriage NYC

Life after Infidelity: Trust Broken

Infidelity: What do you do next?

When trust is broken in a marriage it is extremely hard for both people involved, not only the person that was betrayed. When infidelity is exposed in a marriage the stability and future after the exposure can be very confusing. Many times in a situation where someone in the marriage is cheating it’s the secrecy that is worse than the actual infidelity - the broken trust. When couples are faced with infidelity, there are some ways that could possibly help find the answer to why the affair happened in the first place. If you want to save your marriage and you think the infidelity is straining your relationship, the cheater must work on fixing his/her mistakes with their partner. Here are some tips to help you work through infidelity in your marriage after it has been exposed.

  • Be Open and Honest: If you were the one cheating, be open and honest about all aspects of the affair. Sometimes opening up and revealing why the affair happened is the best way to figure out some voids that needed to be filled in the marriage. Identifying the voids in the marriage and what needs to happen to fill those voids could help heal the wounds in the marriage. It is about coming to an understanding – without excusing the infidelity.
  • Restoring Trust While Having Compassion: Making a list of trust- enhancing behaviors that will help a couple heal is a great idea! This is a good building block and a first step to rebuilding trusting your partner again. Compassion needs to be explained between both partners. Maybe the cheating occurred for a particular reason and something was lacking in the relationship. By having compassion the recovery process can begin.
  •  Set Boundaries That Make Both Partners Happy: Make date nights and more time for each other. Set aside a weekend for hiking, tennis or other activities you both enjoy doing together. Communicate and voice what makes each of you uncomfortable and what makes each of you happy. Discuss how you would like the relationship to develop in the future. Being more vocal about where the couple spends their time separately is a trust-building method if it’s not too demanding of your partner’s space.

If you are struggling with marriage or relationship issues that may concern infidelity, feel free to contact our Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists for an evaluation of your relationships. Our marriage counselors and psychologists have successfully helped many couples and families.

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6 Exercises to Keep Your Relationship Fresh

Keep your relationship fresh and exciting!

The problems that lead to explosive breakups or divorces often begin as small annoyances.  Thus, it is extremely valuable to develop skills for coping with small disagreements before they become big problems.  Any relationship can benefit from concerted efforts to keep it healthy and exciting.  Here are some exercises you can do with your partner to help maintain harmony in the relationship.

  1. Take time to talk about what’s bothering each of you.  Ask what you have done to make your partner feel disrespected, unloved, or under appreciated.  Rather than responding defensively, respond with understanding in order to keep communication flowing and nip problems in the bud.
  2. Have an Honesty Hour.  Set aside a specific time when you can each share how you truly feel about certain aspects of the relationship with complete immunity.  This way, you each build respect for each other’s opinions, and there are no festering resentments.
  3. Don’t go to into bed angry.  The longer an argument lasts, the worse it gets.  Agreeing to resolve conflicts on the same day they arise (if possible) can prevent conflicts from turning into bitterness.
  4. Plan fun activities.  List fun things you want to do together and agree to do at least one each month.  Sharing positive experiences is an important part of making a happy relationship last.
  5. Eat dinner together.  Even in the midst of an argument, pausing everything else to share a meal is a great way to enjoy each other’s company.
  6. Share Friends and Commit.

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Parenting Issues

 

Parenting Issues

Couples that have children are often faced with some stressful and challenging parenting issues. When it comes to parenting issues many couples disagree on the choices they wish to make for their children. When disagreements occur, often conflict and tension within the relationship is the result. Serious issues that test a a marriage include a chronically ill child, a child with learning disabilities, a mentally retarded child, a child with autism, or child’s death. These issues are often devastating to a family and can put stress on a marriage.

Special Education Children:

Maintaining a Healthy Marriage While Raising a Special Education Child

Parents raising a child living with learning disabilities, autistic spectrum disorders, or learning disabilities ( such as ADHD) are confronted with huge challenges regarding the care of their child. These Challenges range from providing the correct medical care to finding the right schools and the right opportunities.

Parents with children living with a disorder find that their entire family is extremely isolated. They begin to be left out of neighborhood functions and as a result lose the powerful connections they once had with friends. The stress of having a multiple handicapped child creates tension within the family and the marital relationship.

Parents may find themselves becoming depressed or grieving for the dreams they once had for their child. When a parent has a special education child he or she may throw him or herself entirely into the lives of their child. The child often becomes the center of his or her world. Another parent may become a workaholic in order to cope. Without balance between family, work and self  parents may find themselves becoming increasingly stressed, anxious, angry or depressed. These feelings have a negative effect on the family and marriage. For couples who find that their marriage is suffering due to the stress of having a child with special needs marriage therapy and family therapy can be helpful. It allows each member of the couple to voice each of his or her concerns and achieve greater balance within their lives.

The Chronically Ill Child:

Parents raising a chronically ill child face overwhelming challenges that often result in martial distress. Parents of an ill child are completely responsible for his or her medical care and thus often devote all of their time to taking care of the child. Often such stress places their relationship with their spouse as their last priority. Couples with a chronically ill child often complain that their partner is emotionally distant, that they are unable to communicate, and intimacy is lost. Many couples focus all of their emotion, energy and time on taking care of their child learning very little time. For maintaining their relationship with their spouse. Family therapy or marriage counseling can help build trust, intimacy and secure attachment in the martial relationship.

The Loss of a Child:

The loss of a child is the most devastating experience a parent can face-and missing the child never goes away. A piece of yourself is lost and, our future is forever changed. The age of the child at the time of death does not lessen the hurt or devastation. It feels completely unnatural for a child to die before his or her parents. When a child passes away the parents are forced to live on. One might think that the loss of a child would bring parents together but more often it causes isolation and distance. Sometimes the distance  increases to such an extent that one or both partners emotionally and sometimes physically seek comfort outside of the relationship. By seeking marriage counseling in a timely fashion couples can deal with the  unfortunate consequences of the death of a child in a healthier, less painful manner.

 

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