Infidelity: What do you do next?
When trust is broken in a marriage it is extremely hard for both people involved, not only the person that was betrayed. When infidelity is exposed in a marriage the stability and future after the exposure can be very confusing. Many times in a situation where someone in the marriage is cheating it’s the secrecy that is worse than the actual infidelity - the broken trust. When couples are faced with infidelity, there are some ways that could possibly help find the answer to why the affair happened in the first place. If you want to save your marriage and you think the infidelity is straining your relationship, the cheater must work on fixing his/her mistakes with their partner. Here are some tips to help you work through infidelity in your marriage after it has been exposed.
- Be Open and Honest: If you were the one cheating, be open and honest about all aspects of the affair. Sometimes opening up and revealing why the affair happened is the best way to figure out some voids that needed to be filled in the marriage. Identifying the voids in the marriage and what needs to happen to fill those voids could help heal the wounds in the marriage. It is about coming to an understanding – without excusing the infidelity.
- Restoring Trust While Having Compassion: Making a list of trust- enhancing behaviors that will help a couple heal is a great idea! This is a good building block and a first step to rebuilding trusting your partner again. Compassion needs to be explained between both partners. Maybe the cheating occurred for a particular reason and something was lacking in the relationship. By having compassion the recovery process can begin.
- Set Boundaries That Make Both Partners Happy: Make date nights and more time for each other. Set aside a weekend for hiking, tennis or other activities you both enjoy doing together. Communicate and voice what makes each of you uncomfortable and what makes each of you happy. Discuss how you would like the relationship to develop in the future. Being more vocal about where the couple spends their time separately is a trust-building method if it’s not too demanding of your partner’s space.
If you are struggling with marriage or relationship issues that may concern infidelity, feel free to contact our Bergen County, New Jersey or Manhattan offices of psychologists, psychiatrists, and psychotherapists for an evaluation of your relationships. Our marriage counselors and psychologists have successfully helped many couples and families.
Married to a Workaholic
If you or your partner has trouble balancing your career life and your home life, marriage therapy can be extremely helpful in creating realistic goals to help improve the tensions that ensue. Many couples have difficulty balancing their home life and work life. Such a balancing act often increases stress within the martial relationship and within the household. Due to the fact that American households are mostly two-income, many couples have difficulties balancing their home life with their career. When one spouse is forced to work longer hours because of his or her job, tension can develop within the relationship. If a spouse loses a job or if the spouse’s salary seems insignificant to his or her partner, then conflict and stress often arises. In many instances being successful at work means giving up family responsibilities which can jeopardize one’s home life. In order to be successful, an individual is required to work a full time job, and then go home to handle all the domestic duties. In order for there to be harmony in the marriage, domestic responsibilities should be shared in a dual income household.
Signs of Trouble! Get the guidance you need!
Research shows that marital problems do not spontaneously improve. By the time couples separate or divorce, they have experienced on average 6 years of relationship deterioration. Those couples who seek marriage counseling and spend time improving their relationship when problems first develop have a better chance of having a successful relationship. Marriage counseling or couples counseling can help steer the relationship in the right direction.
Blended Family and Step Family Problems
Family Therapy and Couples Counseling Can Help Ensure Success of the New Expanded Family
In a blended or step family, one or both partners have been married before, and each have lost a spouse through death or divorce. One or both may have children from their previous marriages and once married they will form a new step family that includes children from one or both of their first families.
Studies show at least one-third of all children in the U.S are expected to live in a step family before they reach 18 years of age. The blended family is now a norm for American Society. Due to the fact that each family has lost in some manner step families face many lifestyle adjustments and changes. Fortunately,most of them are able to work out their problems and live together successfully. But it takes careful planning, open discussions of feelings, positive attitudes, mutual respect and patience. While some families make the transition without counseling, seeking family counseling helps and ensures a healthier, smoother, and more successful transition. Those families who seek counseling and couples counseling before the marriage or shortly after will benefit greatly from marriage therapy.
The American Association of Marriage and Family therapy declares that over 20% of American families experience some sort of violence within their household. Domestic violence is more common in younger couples than in older ones. Physical abuse can be classifies as pushing, shoving, hitting, slapping or otherwise assaulting one another. Sadly, domestic violence is becoming increasingly common. Many couples also experience emotional abuse within their relationships. Examples of emotional abuse within relationships include controlling behaviors, verbal threats, or insulting remarks. Even with the most insignificant abusive incident, couples should always seek counseling. Many couples believe pushing or shoving is not abusive and they believe it will end as soon as a particular stressor is removed from their lives. However, life is never without stress and thus many of these violent acts do not cease but rather intensify and grow more dangerous.
In relationships where one partner exhibits controlling behavior the relationship is considered abusive. A controlling husband for example may verbally threaten his wife into social isolation. Forcing her to stay home and break any friendships she has outside of the marriage. A controlling spouse may financially abuse his r her partner by giving them an allowance and denying them money. Thus, they become completely dependent on the abusive spouse.
We can help you if you believe you are in an abusive relationship. For couples interested in taking steps towards ending the violence in their household and continuing their relationship, marriage therapy can be the answer. Marriage counselors, marriage therapists, family counselors, and family therapists come up with strategies and give couples the tools they need to take violence out of their lives completely.
Bergen Marriage counseling is a private mental health and chemical dependency practice which has been serving the metropolitan New York area, including Manhattan and Bergen County, New Jersey, for over 25 years. Our Health care professionals include licensed psychiatrists, psychologists, psychiatric nurse practitioners, clinical social workers, and counselors with expertise in marriage, family, adults, teens, children, hypnosis and substance abuse. We are dedicated to providing quality, goal oriented care tailored to your individual needs by matching the treatment to the patient, not the patient to the treatment. Bergen Marriage Counseling provides warm, highly qualified psychotherapists will ensure that you receive individuated care in a comfortable, confidential setting. We aim to foster healthy, satisfying relationships, communication, self-esteem, and problem-solving skills that will enhance an individual’s quality of life.
Bergen Marriage Counseling has private offices located in Manhattan, NY, Paramus, NJ and Englewood, NJ. We provide our patients with convenient daytime, evening, and weekend hours.